Cat One Liners
Cats are like potato chips.
You can never have just one.
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Why didn’t the owner put the cat out?
She didn’t know it was on fire.
How do cats choose what to buy?
From a cat-alogue.
Why was the cat arrested by the police?
He was the purrpetrator.
What is a cat’s favorite color?
Purrple.
What do you use to comb a cat?
A cat-a-comb.
Why did the cat run away from the tree?
Because it got scared of the bark!
What do you get when you cross a canary with an alley cat?
A peeping tom.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
A cat-a-logue!
What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas?
Santa Claws!
What is a cats favorite book?
The prince and the paw-purr.
What magazine do lady cats read?
Good mousekeeping.
What is the title of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat?
Hiss and Tell.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
Three Blind Mice.
What’s the favorite movie for cats to watch?
The Sound of Mewsic.
What do you call a cat with eight legs that falls in the sea?
An octo-puss!
Why do cats live longer than frogs?
Because cats have nine lives whereas frogs croak every evening.
What makes a desert cat popular at Christmas?
Sandy claws!
What looks like half a cat?
The other half!
How many cats can you put into an empty box?
Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.
What do you call a cat that always gets what it wants?
Purr-fectly purr-suasive.
How does a cat keep up to date?
It watches the evening mews.
What is a cat’s favorite musical instrument?
Purr-cussion.
What do tabby cats wear at night?
Striped paw-jamas.
What do newly born kittens wear?
Dia-purrs.
What do you call a painting of a cat?
A paw-trait
How do you greet a cat?
With “Hello Kitty”.
How do you wish a cat Merry Christmas?
“Meowry Christmaus”.
Where does a cat get a new tail?
In a retail store.
How do cats end a fight?
They hiss and make up.
What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?
Mice cream.
Ever try stealing some catnip from a cat?
Furget about it!
How long can a cat meow until you feed him?
Fur-ever.
What did the cat do when he ate the cheese?
Stood by the mouse hole and breathed in.
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws.
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
How did a cat take the first prize at the bird show?
He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
Why is it so hard for a Bengal Cat to hide?
Because it’s always spotted.
I got rid of my boyfriend.
The cat was allergic.
What sport did the kittens play in the backyard?
Hairball!
What do polite cats say when they unwittingly step on you?
Paw-don me sir, I’m furry sorry!
What did the cat say as he was leaving for work?
Have a mice day honey.
What did the shelter cat say when he was put in the dog cage?
Get me-ow-t of here!!
How is cat food sold at the shops?
Usually purr can.
What’s the favorite dessert for a cat?
Chocolate mouse!
What’s the game cat’s play when they have parties?
Mewsical chairs!
Who helped Cinderella cat go to the ball?
Her Furry Godmother!
What admission you’ll never hear from a cat?
Meow culpa.
By tomcat
Why doesn’t a cat want to change?
Because it’s already purrfect.
What did the cat reply when asked to move the piano?
Me? ’ow?
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Raining only dogs.
What do you call the loss of a cat?
A cat-astrophe.
Why do cats have aversion to loud noises?
Because they are pussies.
Why do quarrelling cats hate being closed in the same room?
They have claws-tro-phobia.
Where did the horse find the cat?
In the mews.
Why does a cat scratch its head?
It uses paws for thought.
Why are cats always on the lookout for a better deal?
They purrsue purrfection.
How does a cat achieve purrfection?
By purrsisting and purrsevering in his purrsuits.
Why other animals can’t purr?
Cats are the only expurrts.
How do cats manage to purr so purrfectly?
They are expurrt purrformers.
Why don’t cats purr purrmanently?
It defeats the purrpaws.
